Today was a victory after much defeat

Today I was frustrated throughout the process of the morning, finding no joy in the work I was doing.  I felt nothing was comedic, the general feeling on set was hardly playful, and much of the material has been changed.  I'm depressed about what could have been:  I understand this is the way of the gun, film making is about constant change, but the jokes, the lines, the moments that have been in the script and then been removed represent that which could have been but will never be.  Maybe I'm just drawing allusion within the project to my life, I'm frustrated by so many things that seemed possible and then disappeared before my eyes.  The script of life, like the script of Yogi, is constantly changing without your consent, you must try and deliver the lines you are given and not think about the ones that you could have said, or you once planned to say.  But the greatest battle in that war is forgetting that which was there and now is not, and accepting that all you have is what you've been given and the few moments of genuine improvisation.  I find that in life I struggle with this immensely.  Decisions outside of your control are made and you must bow to them...just as man must bow to those factors in his life he cannot control.  But in the end, we achieved some very good, very real moments, and some real comedy (I hope and pray).  So that is a victory, no matter how small, after what felt like hours of defeat.

TJ/RJ